Have you ever seen a pretty girl and been too shy to talk to her? To even say hi?
Have you ever wanted to pursue your passion as an artist? As a writer? But been too afraid to commit yourself absolutely, unapologetically to it without fear of failure?
Everyone has fears and limiting beliefs that keep them from living the life they were meant to live. Most look back on their life and regret the chances they didn’t take. The great ones look back in awe of the fears they overcame and the incredible results that resulted.
How will you end up? The choice is yours.
One of the themes in Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha struck a chord with me. It was the manner that Siddhartha pursued what he desired in his life. Siddhartha actively sought enlightenment through experience. To achieve these experiences, there is one rule that his character was always true to.
The rule is this:
Go after what you want. Unapologetically.
Below are the 3 steps I adamantly follow when setting and achieving goals. It has been incredibly helpful to manifesting what I want in life. Perhaps you can benefit from it too.
1. Vision your Goal – Be clear about what you want. Vision what it will look like once you have achieved it.
In order to achieve a goal, you must absolutely, without question, know what the goal is and everything about it.
This means you better know exactly how it will feel internally once you’ve achieved it, who will look up to you, what will be coming next for you, and most importantly, you must, you must, absolutely expect it of yourself. The achievement of this goal must be the constant that your reality is shaped around. It must be as easy to see and feel, as it is to imagine yourself checking email tomorrow, going to work, or making dinner.
2. Create a flexible plan to achieve your goal - This is a hypothesis that you will improve to get to your goal.
Step into your creative scientific brain. This is the fun part. This is where you get to create the path from your current reality to your goal-fulfilled life. The important things to remember about this step are:
- There are no wrong answers, only learning experiences. In fact you’ll learn more, the more you’re wrong, so embrace the mistakes with a laugh and a shrug.
- You will be evolving this plan after you start executing it, so don’t get emotionally attached to this as the only path to the light.
- Be playful. This path to achievement is every bit as much of a game as Monopoly. Start playing without fear of failing.(foreshadowing…)
3. Put the first things first. Get started and keep your focus on the goal.
Do you ever put off a big project because finding the first step is too intimidating? For many this paralysis of action is exactly what keeps them from achieving big things in their life. There’s no need to fall victim to this easy to overcome hurdle. Here’s the trick.
Get started in the smallest way possible. Often times, this is as simple as saying hi to a stranger, picking up the phone, or even something as anonymous as sending an email!
You’ll be surprised at how quickly a small first step like this will build the momentum necessary to immerse you in your goal.
Let Siddartha lead you
Throughout the novel, Siddhartha very clearly goes after what he wants. He knows exactly what he wants, who he wants it from, all the while being completely unapologetic about his intents.
This doggedness plays a subtle yet formative role in the book that shapes his entire journey. At no point does Siddhartha sacrifice his goals for impulsive behavior, peer pressure, lack of confidence. or any other dissuading force.
Learn from Siddartha. The life you live is yours and yours alone. Pursue your passion. Make no excuses and start today.
Your life will be richer for it. I guarantee it. (I feel like the guy from Men’s Warehouse)
A Personal Reflection on my own Limiting Beliefs
(Note: Below is a very real look into my own reality. Expressing this publicly is not easy to do but is surprisingly satisfying)
Fear of rejection from beautiful women
Thinking that my value is too low to entertain a conversation with a beautiful woman. This limiting belief must absolutely be shattered. It’s incongruent with who I am. I’ve never once questioned my value when pursuing a job, talking to a stranger, or even asking for help from someone. Internally, I have an incredible confidence and sense of entitlement that shapes my reality and allows me to talk to strangers.
For example, When I walk into a job interview with a prospective employer, I know with 100% confidence, that I am the best employee they could ever ask for. I understand my value enough to know that their company will be lucky to have me as a part of their team. This isn’t because I know the job roles better than anyone else, it’s because of my (perceived value) absolute confidence in my ability to learn faster than anyone else and evolve into the ideal employee for that position.
Now, getting into the fear that I have experienced when thinking about approaching a beautiful woman. This is one aspect of my life where I have felt incredible anxiety. Why? What is it about a beautiful woman that makes me question who I am as a man and what I offer to her and the world?
The answer: Fear of Failure.
Vision of overcoming my fear of rejection from beautiful women
(Note: In order to move on, I must embrace the notion that failing is not bad, and is even something to strive for. Afterall, good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from mistakes. And mistakes come from bad judgement. )
I am now no longer afraid of rejection from beautiful women in the same way that I am not afraid of rejection from potential employers, clients, strangers on the street, or anyone else in this world. In fact, I never see it as rejection like I used to. I don’t see a beautiful woman rejecting me. I see another human who is not interested in opening up and allowing someone else into her life who will add incredible value to her. This is in regards to the few who have declined an interaction.
As for the majority of the others I have said hi to, some are now good friends, potential lovers (if I were not in a committed relationship), while others were simply friendly enough to say hi, entertain a conversation, and allow us both to discover that there is not a connection and nothing further need be explored.
Looking back at my fear of initiating conversations with beautiful women, I see that the biggest hurdle I overcame was allowing myself to be vulnerable in the presence of a woman. In fact, this newfound vulnerability has been commented on by many as incredibly grounding and attractive.
By allowing myself to access my own emotions, label them, and express them to others, I have made significant strides in the relationships with everyone I cherish in my life. It’s funny how overcoming a small fear like this has actually helped me make a significant improvement with the people who matter most in my life.
Also, in talking to the beautiful women I have allowed myself to relinquish any outcomes and just enjoy her energy in the present moment. There is no desire for anything greater, just to enjoy the present with another.
Share your own vulnerability in the comments below.
1. What do you want that you haven’t gone after yet?
2. What is one of your limiting beliefs?
Also, if it sounds like you might like to read Siddhartha, here’s a link on Amazon. If you buy 1000 copies of them I can keep riding my motorcycle around the world. No pressure.